friend?
Ok so i admit it i can be a bitch and if anyone can test that theory please go right ahead and devulge your inner desires to be the subject of my torment...i have lost many a boy fiend because they didn't believe i could be anything but nice....
so the other day i looked at my life and realized that i am sad lonely individual with alot of explaining to do...and at this point i would like to say i know who my close friends are and that i owe them alot for being such wonderful people...(kip, koren, jess, cara, nick, bid) you are my saviors but then there are the others that i love with all my heart but just don't feel that if my life was slowly spiraling the gurgling drain i would feel comfortable calling on in need...that said i also know friendship is always found in the most trying of place...
you know i don't think there are enough words for friendship based categories....
ok so we have...best friend, friend and equatince, home and enemy...
To me a friend is what i would would call my close friends because anless they are there to spoon your splattered carcass from a road all the while washing away the blood with their tears of the great times they have shared with you what kind of friends are they...a best friend for me encompasses the friend catagory aswell it is that person that you share a little peice of yourself with and thats why losing them would hurt so much because you can never get that peice back and they will carry it with them for life...it should always remind them that there is something good in the world so long as they still love you....so when that person is gone due to distrust or some kind of meliciouse act it then serves as a tiny peice of acid a cancer..but the good will always outweigh the bad...tat person may change from day to day a best friend is the one that you would kill for( i would do that for all my friends though..hehehe)a best friend you can't share everything with because everyone has something special to offer...and what is the point of making the crust if you are going to throw it away....just enjoy the bread for every little aspect it brings you... just being with them makes you smile there are no tantrums and when you havnt spoke to them in months or years it shouldnt matter because the moment you see them everything is better evrything is the same because we don't change that much we are always the same people and our friends should change with us...
everyone else is somewhere between friend and equaitance...i'd have to say that all of my people in that catagory are really up the top...and some a bit further down but they still have that tiny little grain of you that one day they will wake up and remember you and have a smile...or an empty heart...they jump in and out of my friend basis and they all share equal parts of my life...these are the little but also the big bits that hold up the rest, sometimes you don't speak to them for ages but when you do all you can say is..." gotta love.......they make my day"
and then there are enemy's i only had one enemy...for reasons i can't even remember but their name made my stomach turn...which what i realise now was not them but my own failures and misgivings as a friend...i should be able to understand them adn them me but somehow we went different ways....i am glad to say i no longer have an enemy...that person i would like to say that i am making an extremly big effort to be nice to because an enemy is poison they rip apart all the good your friends have done and make you a bittter resentful person withought even doing anything....only baby steps for me but i am trying with all my might to suck it up and bea person not an asshole...i am determined never to fill this catagory again because life isn't worth it and i should be spending more time embracing the people i love not being negative towards the people i don't
finally there is home a home is a place where you feel comfortable and you can always go to curl up and be yourself all masks are off you are the real you and there is nothing that those four walls can't do...it is your safe haven...i don't have a home....there are no four walls that protect me and comfort me and i can be myself in ...to me my friends are my home they are what keep me warm they are what wipe away my tears they are what sees me as the real me ...
because at the end of the day what is a dodgy pile of briks to a hug....money can't buy love...
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